February 16, 2013

On Repeat – Beautiful World by The Chevin

Famous Last Words – “I’m up and I am eating a damned cupcake! What more do you want from me?” – My daughter, A.

Daily Gripe – What to Expect When Expecting In America

Spending the evening downtown yesterday with A, at one point I needed to use the restroom.  We entered one of hundreds of Starbucks in the city, but while waiting in line behind two men and a woman to use a unisex bathroom, I thought “Am I that desperate?”  Yes, but NO! Women are disgusting enough, when it comes to sharing a public restroom with them.  But I have to now share one with men too (two men that I get to actually wait behind and think about sharing the same toilet with)?  It was not going to happen.

So, I grabbed my daughter (who was waiting in line to buy a water) and we moseyed our way toward our final destination of the evening (our bus stop to take us home).  We came across a Best Buy.  I decided that restroom has GOT to be better than a unisex one at Starbucks! As A and I enter, I tell her “pretend you are looking at stuff to buy”.  Easy enough task for her.  They sell video games! The level that has both the video games and the restrooms is on the basement floor.

It was like a roasting pan down there.  This was where all the computers are on display.  UGH!  Shouldn’t this be the coldest level of the store?  I figure on my exit out, I will be safe from “needing” to purchase anything, but apparently I am wrong!  I see printer ink and remember, I am still using the ink cartridges that came with my new printer (bought back in January and bound to run out soon).  They don’t have all the individual ones I need, nor a value pack of all cartridges.  So I pick up a combo pack with the colored cartridges and photo paper (26.99, less than the cost of buying all three ink cartridges) and the black cartridge separate.

Now I may not be a math whiz, but I do realize when the cashier rings up the order (even with tax included) the total is more than it should be.  I ask her how much the combo pack is.  She responds “$30”.  I tell her “The price says “$26.99 on the shelf.” She responds “You will have to have someone check on it.”  Really?  I work at Best Buy now?  Have I been forgetting to pick up my paycheck all these months (and forgetting to show up for my shifts)?  I tell her it is too hot on this floor to deal with this and I am not going to purchase anything, as I walk away.  FUCK THAT!!!!

Ladies and gentlemen, that is standard customer service in America nowadays.

Randomness – Once in a Lifetime?

This morning I awoke from a dream.  In the dream I was sitting with my ex-husband, holding him (we were apparently on terms where I didn’t want to kill him for the mental anguish he is causing our children) and I felt such love toward him that I spoke those words “ You know I love you”.  Even if I hadn’t said those words, you would have known those were the feelings being conveyed.  He responded “Really?  You still love me?  After all of this?”
As far as I am aware, I don’t have those feelings but I am pretty sure where the dream comes from.  When I married him I knew he was the one I wanted to be with for the rest of my life.  It is not that I am against divorce/separation.   I just believe in commitment for me.  I am stubborn. I don’t give up on things and I don’t get into things unless I mean them full heartedly-so death do us part I was going to try my damnedest to work at and make happen (not at my own hands, though hehe). The one I wanted to make things work with, no matter what.

But you can only do so much once that person doesn’t want to come home to you any longer and wants to go to someone else, for whatever his own reasons were.  He didn’t want to hear anything I had to say. One of my worries is that I will never find anything to compare to what I felt during our happy times.

I don’t willingly think back to our good times together, but I know we had them and I know I have yet to feel anything like that. I know I haven’t truly enjoyed the things in life as much I did when we were together.  I never feel as comfortable being me as I did with him. He may not have known how to treat me as his wife, but (if it makes any sense) we had a good partnership. For as much judging and controlling as he may have done, I still was able to just be whoever I happened to be. I think once I enjoyed a vacation with someone close to being away with him or having him home on vacation with the family.

R.I.F – To Say Nothing of the Dog by Connie Willis, 493 pages. No feedback to provide yet.


**Daily Math Word Problems**

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