March 2, 2013

******** On Repeat  – The Walk by Sawyer Brown

******** Famous Last Words – “I’ll fuck you till you love me faggot.” Mike Tyson

******** A Word From The Unwise When playing a game with Murphy, play by his rules or you will never win!

******** Daily Gripe – Played a game with Murphy (his rules, as usual) and finally WON!

With the completed construction of the local parkway, they have now relocated the bus stops for one particular route.  There are two services provided for the same route (one “local”, which makes every stop along the route and one “limited”, which stops at only the major locations, for a faster trip across town). The stops are now separated by a block on the parkway, at an intersection, that is uncrossable by pedestrians (unless you have a death wish).

On Friday,  I needed to get to a major transit hub, which both buses discharge passengers at. Based on the fact that I had just missed the “limited” bus, I figured my best bet was to wait for the local one.  A few minutes later, I see the “limited” one migrating down the parkway.  SON OF A BITCH!  Lost against Murphy!  But now the odds are in my favor so not worth crossing 3 intersections just to get back on the parkway of the Limited bus stop, one block up.

A few more minutes later, ANOTHER fucking “limited” bus.  Now this is just the universe fucking with me!  I was now just resigned to waiting it out at this stop.  I have learned in all my years of commuting not to play these games of jumping when Murphy called.  I just sat and waited, impatiently. Finally, a total of four buses later, I was on my way to my final destination.  Boy, did I need a drink after that!

Tonight, heading for the same transit hub, I had hoped to have figured out how to play by Murphy’s fucked up rules.  As my daughter A and I headed for the usual stop, I saw the “limited” bus just leaving.  I told her “We are going to wait for the next “limited” bus.  She was clueless as to what game we were playing, but, as we had some time, I explained the rules.

5 minutes later, I could see I have figured Murphy figured out for this instance (until he goes off his meds). FUCK YOU, MURPHY!

******** Randomness – Plenty of Games

Suitor#1:

His dating profile headline: “These waters are deeeeeeeep”

About Me

  • Must have a sense of Humor====
  • No hillbilly’s
  • Must have all of your teeth is a must-and must brush teeth at least once a year=====or So
  • Must have lots of Drama-lots I mean so much we can make a movie====
  • Foodstamps and ebt cards are accepted
  • Outdoors-no lazy ladies either—–
  • Must be dirt poor=====

Willing to relocate to pakistan if we hit it off- or go to Iraq—– on weekends for dinner====
If u know ABC’S——–drop me a line!!!
Can’t park trailer in front of my trailer I mean house=====

First Date
  • I will surprise you when I don’t show up 🙂
  • Dollar menu only unless u r treating====
  • Remember to leave your are purse at my house—–
  • If your mother drives you on date she must bring her OWN date======
  • Must smile a lot======

My dating profile headline: “Looking for one compatible walkie talkie.” 

I will save you the boring details of my profile aside from how it begins:

Oh, hello there. I am signing up for [insert online dating site here] to check this venue out because you never know who you meet.  (Damn, where is my resume)

Suitor #1 messages me: “Over and out”

My response (after reading over his profile): Sorry, my brother checked our family tree on Ancestry.com We are hillbillies from our mom’s side.

Suitor#1: That’s fine  Where’s my walkie talkie love those things.

Me: You are supposed to bring your own :p

Suitor#1: how is that gonna work

Me: Hey, I can’t do all the work!

Suitor#1: y not?

Me: That is not my idea of fun, that’s why not.

Suitor#1: what is your idea of fun?

Me: Hanging out and good conversation, which consists of discussing the meaning of life, great books and movies and terrific role models from history.  Long walks in the city, on the beach.  Long drives outside the citylife.

So we finally get to the point where he starts tellng me substantial things about himself, several useless messages later…

Suitor#1: I  work  100  hours  a  week—-enjoy  the  outdoors—-looking  to  meet  someone  see  where  it  goes—— That’s  about  it=====what  do  u  want  to  know?

Me: What do you consider an ideal relationship?
What job keeps you busy 100 hours a week? The follow careers come to mind: Sanitation, resident physician, serial killer, pan handler (are these last two ever really off of their shifts?), long haul truck driver and active duty military (although 100 hours is kind of a light schedule for an active duty member of the army/marines).
What kind of activities to you most enjoy doing outdoors. Don’t be shy. You can tell me about those full moon drum circles you attend.

Suitor#1: retired mil=====I  own  and  operate  300  rental  properties  love  anything  outdoors  hiking–etc.==

Me: PHEW! I was worried you were going to say you were a panhandler and I was going to have to come out with my even bigger sob story to counter yours (then I would reach MY hand into YOUR “donation” cup) [Add boring details about my life here]

Suitor#1: u  sound like  fun  we  need  to  hang

Me (after a few more useless bantering messages back and forth): So, you are right. We should hang out sometime. You seem pretty tolerant of me. Btw. My name is [tlee].

Suitor#1: Well  u  can  try———————-

Me: Try……..?

Suitor#1: try  really  hard?

Me: That is all I do…work/try hard. I am a virgo after all. I have always been under the impression that hanging out was supposed to be fun and EASY.

Suitor#1: I’m  easy  and  fun  meeting  is  the  hard  part

Me: Yeah, well with you working 100 hours a week, we may have to schedule a hang out for sometime in 2017, and while you are napping!

Suitor#1: sounds like a plan

Suitor#1: i  guess  we wasting  time  then  talking—:9   g-luck  princess

Me: Good to know. Good luck to you too.

**Daily Math Word Problems**

No math today

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