April 12, 2013

On Repeat – Dark Side by Kelly Clarkson

(Lyrics are noteworthy IMO, so I am posting them below)

“Oh oh oh, there’s a place that I know
It’s not pretty there and few have ever gone
If I show it to you now
Will it make you run away?

Or will you stay
Even if it hurts
Even if I try to push you out
Will you return?
And remind me who I really am
Please remind me who I really am

Everybody’s got a dark side
Do you love me?
Can you love mine?
Nobody’s a picture perfect
But we’re worth it
You know that we’re worth it
Will you love me?
Even with my dark side?

Like a diamond
From black dust
It’s hard to know
What can become
If you give up
So don’t give up on me
Please remind me who I really am

Everybody’s got a dark side
Do you love me?
Can you love mine?
Nobody’s a picture perfect
But we’re worth it
You know that we’re worth it
Will you love me?
Even with my dark side?

Don’t run away (2x)
Just tell me that you will stay
Promise me you will stay
Don’t run away (2x)
Just promise me you will stay
Promise me you will stay”

Famous Last Words – (My daughter, A, holding her kitty, under the covers with her, as she snuggles in bed on a rainy afternoon after school.)

Me: Don’t hold the blanket completely over his head!

A: It kills the hope [that he has the option to escape].

Daily Gripe –

Randomness –  I’ll Take Actions Over Words Any Day!

As I reflect on the people who have claimed to love me and them being the same people who don’t return my efforts of giving all in a relationship, I am considering completely what I am looking for in a partner.

A past reflection brings me to an example of how people’s actions (or lack of) speak louder than their words. I was on my typical nerve-racking commute home. I had left work at a decent time for a Friday, trying to make the 7 pm closing time of the local pet store to get my daughter’s cat’s food (not that garbage they sell in the grocery store). Now, I could have gotten it from the city, with no worries about getting to a store before closing, but since my (then) boyfriend would always anticipate our Friday evening’s together, I was rushing home.

As Murphy would have it (because he so loves to fuck with me and bring my life excitement that it is lacking), my bus home hit all kinds of traffic and every red light possible. I was supposed to meet my (then) boyfriend nearby the pet store at 6:45 pm. He had arrived there at that designated time and I let him know via text message that I was running late because of traffic. He texts me back, “looks like they are closing up the pet store” and goes to have Chinese food, while he waits for my bus to arrive on the block. With 2 minutes to spare, and a near asthma attack later, I made it to purchase the cat food. I call his phone and find out he is a few doors down at the Chinese place finishing up eating something. As we get in the car to head to my place, he says, “next time you need something from that pet store you should write it down and I will pick it up for you.”

There is a reason I didn’t ask him to pick up the cat food for me while he was waiting for me.  The vibe he gave off toward helping me out with anything that regarded taking care of “real life” told me it was not something he really wanted to deal with and I would pay the price in some way later (i.e. adult tantrums), plus in this instance, he was jealous of both my daughter AND her cat (the fact that there should be adult tantrums should explain the stupidity for that). But his words would tell me he wanted to, because if he said it out loud to me, in his mind this was all that was needed to prove he cared and was worthy of my love.

Fortunately, I realize I deserve and am worth more than this.

Important things I am looking for in a partner

Someone who:

·         can handle the strong-minded, independent woman I am but knows when I need help without stepping all over me (I have difficulty asking for help.  This is something I am working on, especially since I believe it is important for the bonding with a romantic partner, that they each can lean on one another in times of need. We are human. We aren’t meant to do it all alone.)

·         will stand up for me, regardless of the situation

·         will stand by me with others, even though I may be wrong

·         is willing to learn from me and yet has plenty to teach me as well

·         can provide intellectual conversation and yet can have fun and be silly in the same breath

·         who will respect my feelings, thoughts, friends/family etc

·         will not just take what I offer but will give back in return as well

 

 

R.I.F –

**Daily Math Word Problems**

******** Umbrella Graveyard ********

Grave 4

Grave 4

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